Readers well-acquainted with B. Banzai know that bad
temperedness is far from his nature. True, there is an
honest frankness in his manner which occasionally
borders on the brutal, but this is leavened by his usual
hearty good-will toward one and all. Indeed, like so
many great men -- Einstein comes to mind -- the most
remarkable quality he possesses, in my humble view, is
his simplicity. When he is happy, the sun rises in his
face. He bowls merrily on his way from one trying
problem to the next with nary a cross word to anyone.
But when he angers, however unexpectedly, it is almost
to the verge of distraction. The term "havoc" suggests
itself, but it is too mild; suffice it to say, his
indomitable will, brought to a sufficient head of steam,
is terrifying enough to prevent all intelligent
description of it. Of such unpleasant moments, there is
little uplifting to be said.
The familiar Buckaroo is not recognizable, and I wasn't long in learning that the best procedure is simply to get out of his path, for one does not want to battle B. Banzai at close quarters. One braces for a run, looks for a place of retreat, or, on occasion, even a headfirst plunge out of a window will serve. With a prayer of thankfulness bordering on terror, I once even feigned death like Dr. Livingston lying under the lion's paw, as B. Banzai's bulging eyes, glowing with fire and fury, fixed themselves on me, amid low ominous growlings and a show of his white teeth. My own teeth were meanwhile chattering, as at any second I half-way expected him to give me ten feet of lash, clean the flesh from my bones, and smash those into kindling wood, or at the very least send me supperless to the bunkhouse. I was therefore enormously gratified and a little bit alarmed, when, on a particular afternoon at the Cask and Flagon, in the shadow of Boston's Fenway Park, nothing of the sort happened. With an eye to the possibility of an upcoming TV series and the millions of faithful fans whose enthusiasm for his return to the popular media has been unflagging, he graciously consented to be interviewed over a wide range of subjects.
Reno: It's been more than three
years since the explosion [that took Penny Priddy's
life] and eighteen months since you made your last
official public appearance. Since then, you've shunned
visitors and avoided questions. Why this interview?
Buckaroo: Well, like it or not, at a certain point you
realize life goes on. You cry, you bleed, ergo you must
be alive, even if you don't feel like admitting it.
R: Now you're talking about guilt.
B: You're right. Lives were lost,
and I was the target. In that sense, I'll always
second-guess myself. R: Any theories on those
responsible? What's the FBI saying?
B: The same thing I'm saying
right now, which is nothing. I don't need the FBI or
anyone else to fight my battles, so let's move on.
R: Big Red Sox fan?
B: Do I look like a masochist?
R: You've already answered that question. But you're
looking better ? Physically, I mean.
B: You don't look so bad yourself.
R: Then what brings you to Boston?
B: I've given a little money to Harvard, so every year
or so they feel obligated to invite me, along with the
odd Colombian drug baron....
R: You went to Harvard, right?
B: The Med School. I read at Oxford.
R: What did you read?
B: A bit of everything. Mostly I listened to music.
R: Like what?
B: A lot of blues, the usual suspects. John Lee Hooker,
Big Bill Broonzy, Lightin' Hopkins, Sonny Boy
Williamson....
R: Were you an Apostle?
B: Apostle of what? The blues?
R: That club at Oxford.
B: You're thinking of Cambridge.
R: Yeah, probably. So probably a lot of people who live
in Siberia want to know, just who is Buckaroo Banzai?
B: I'm still discovering him. I don't know who he is.
R: What's the best way to describe your guitar playing?
B: Acrobatic, I hope, working without a net.
R: Blues, rockabilly, straight-ahead rock... no wonder.
B: I guess so. I hate labels. It's all music, but, like
a lot of players, sometimes as you get better
technically, the range of emotion in your playing gets
narrower. That's why every so often you need to get back
to basics. There's nothing better for the soul than the
blues. It's so primal....
R: You'd like to see the Hong Kong Cavaliers get more
bluesy?
B: That's not necessarily only up to me.
R: How do you keep in shape?
B: I don't eat what you eat, and I work out.
R: Where?
B: In New York... at Reebok, or Chelsea.
R: The pier or the hotel?
B: Cute. Next question.
R: Are you dating anyone?
B: Yeah, Cindy Adams.
R: You're kidding.
B: Yeah, I am, Cindy Adams.
R: You're calling me Cindy Adams?
B: Ask a stupid question, you get a stupider answer.
R: What's stupid about it? People want to know. What
happened to that French sexologist?
B: She lives. But I'm gone.
R: I read somewhere you meditate. It probably helps to
be rich.
B: Is that a question?
R: What gets you crazier, a beautiful woman or Eric
Clapton?
B: I'm not the jealous type. Anyway, Eric wouldn't cheat
on me.
R: That's right. You went on tour with him a few years
ago. How was that?
B: Like Harry James, the band leader, when he played
Carnegie Hall with Toscanini. They asked him how it
felt, and he said he felt like a waitress on a date with
a college boy. That's the way it was with Clapton.
R: You were Clapton's waitress?
B: Careful, Reno.
R: What about this new guy Dick Ready, from Rasputin's
Daughter? He's played some gigs with the band. Are you
trying him out?
B: Nothing official, but he kills.
R: On guitar.
B: Yeah. What'd you think I meant?
R: Who gets more girls, him or Perfect Tommy?
B: What makes you think either one of them gets girls?
R: So there's no ego problems in the band?
B: Not from my end.
R: Speaking of ego, do you have a shrink?
B: Just you, Reno.
R: You don't think you're God?
B: Just his best friend.
R: Are you more jealous of a beautiful woman or...?
Wait, I already asked you that. How long have you played
guitar?
B: In this lifetime? Since I was eleven.
R: And if you could have only one record on a desert
island....
B: If I'm going to be there a long time, it'd better
pick me up. Maybe something by Satchmo, or the Original
Five Blind Boys of Mississippi... what was it Baudelaire
said?
R: About Satchmo?
B: "Man can live without bread, but he couldn't last a
week without that righteous jazz."
R: What's the biggest mistake you ever made?
B: Not being born sooner. And maybe this interview.
R: Sabine [my wife] says you have the world's greatest
bedroom eyes.
B: And I exploit them shamelessly.
R: No fooling. Besides music, what do you do for fun?
B: You'd be surprised. Bronc-bustin', calf-ropin',
egg-chuckin'....
R: God. What's the best thing about being you?
B: Always meeting interesting people.
R: And the worst thing?:
B: Never being alone.
R: Is that a hint for me to leave?
B: If you can't come up with a grown-up question.
R: All right, I'll try to keep it serious. In your new
book, Virtual Virtue, your eighty-second....
B: Eighty-fifth.
R: You lament the decline of great causes... civil
rights, the anti-war movement, the war on poverty, the
exploration of space... and the all-consuming
preoccupation with self in today's consumerist culture.
What gave birth to these "great causes" to begin with.
B: Twin utopias, unfortunately: the myth of revolution
and the myth of progress.
R: These are myths?
B: To the extent that people believe in them as utopias,
yes, which is how they were oversold in many cases. By
embracing any utopia, we sow the seeds of cynicism when
things don't work out as advertised.
R: Not that they've ever been tried.
B: Which is the fallacy, that big change has to happen
on an institutional or a national level, and when it
doesn't, you have the epidemic of cynicism we have
today, with bean counters running the whole shooting
match, under the rubric of being realists. But reality
and what exists at any given moment are not necessarily
one and the same. My reality may be independent of the
society around me.
R: So what do we failed idealists do?
B: First, stop being failures. It's absurd to judge
ourselves against a scale larger than our own efforts.
Do the right thing, help one another, raise the less
fortunate, without ulterior motives. Live simply, never
lie, never steal, limit personal wealth, donate to
charity, meditate, practice self-denial, live a pure
life and spend some time as a monk. Above all, don't be
afraid of nothingness, because the universe is full of
it and therefore it must be natural and good. In this
way of being of "no-mind," we escape ajiva and achieve
enlightenment.
R: "Reject convention, confront chaos and map it,
populating it with concepts, intense singularities, and
names for things that happen to us."
B: Sounds familiar, doesn't it?
R: Thank you, Buckaroo. I know you're busy. What's on
your desk these days?
B: Let's see... the Y2K problem... mapping the bottom of
Lake Baikal, looking for another Loch Ness bessie over
there... we're doing a series on Emily Dickinson for
ARTE...
R: ARTE. That's...
B: ...European Cultural Television, the old Canal Sept.
We're looking at a new generation of computers...
bringing the Teraflop on line this year... a trillion
ops a second... and the Petaflop soon to follow... we're
studying a new Virgin Mary apparition in a steel plant
blast furnace in Poland... we're salvaging one of
Drake's treasure ships off South America... we're
involved in developing a TV series....
R: Thank you, Buckaroo. We get the idea.
This page was last updated on May 25th, 2020.
Maintained by Sean Murphy [figment@figmentfly.com]