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THE BED, THE BATH, AND THE BUS
There is a term sometimes used at the Banzai Institute: The three Bs, meaning the Bus, the Bath, and the Bed. That is where the greatest discoveries are made in science. When one is at his most relaxed, her most receptive, that is when a foreign consciousness, a "stray bullet" as B. Banzai calls it, may pop into one's head.
To:
All Institute members
From: The Seminole Kid
Subject: Stray bullets survey
Attention everyone:
With so many of us going in so many different and fascinating directions, Dr. Banzai has just reminded me (as he often does) of the value of sharing concepts to encourage cross-pollenization of ideas. What he said exactly was, "Let's see if we can get some chocolate on the peanut butter or peanut butter in the chocolate." To this end, here's the results of the most recent "stray bullets" survey.
Because of the volume of work being done, each person was only be allowed to post one project idea. Submissions were edited for content and clarity before posting, and I reserved the right to send Pinky Carruthers to your closet with his can of pink spray paint if I thought you're wasting my time.
And as always, suggestions given here become the property of the Banzai Institute and any resulting patents and/or royalties are distributed according to Institute by-laws. Of course, by submitting your project, you are granting the Institute permission to publish it.
Whether your ideas come to you in the bed, the bath, the bus, OR the bulletin board, let's see if we can't turn more of those "stray bullets" into "magic bullets."
Thanks to everyone who participated in this Stray bullets survey.
Seminole Kid
CURRENT PROJECTS:
Heading: Success in Asia and Africa; the story of the watermelon and how it worked in the field in the application of air dropped emergency aid to refugees./ Submitted By; Legionnaire
SPAM FRYER/A program placed on the ISP's mail server and when a spam message comes along with offense words the email account and the user gets logged off the internet no explanations given./BBI InterLock
You should be working with BBI Crazy Horse on this one.
Dear Dr. Banzai, As you have requested, I have finished the preliminary studies for the project codename: O.R.C.A. Projections suggest that this would indeed provide the necessary infrastructure for a space-faring civilization; however, this success is coupled with a healthy infusion from tourism. Your calculations were correct, an Orbiting Radiant Collector Array could provide the inhabitants of Earth with an indefinite source of clean, cheap energy. Technology spin-offs are anticipated, but cannot be used as a marking tool at this juncture. This will require the formation of an R & D team with an emphasis in physics, microwaves, architecture, and marketing. I suggest that we begin by approaching some of the West Coast Power companies as any government agencies would be fraught with undue waste and mismanagement. Sincerely, Bugs
THE ENCYCLOPEDIA OF EVERYTHING THAT NEVER WAS / As the Overthruster receives wider usage, there's the possibility that we may start breaking through to alternate worlds, possibly even those we treat as fiction. Of course, this new encyclopedia is going to take up a lot of space, and need constant revisions, so I suggest someone get to work on some breakthroughs in PDA technology. / Submitted by: Agent 13
Pending the PDA advances, I suggest you talk to Scooter
about the Teraflop project. If both ideas pan out, you could
have all the data storage you'll ever need.
SPAM-INATOR
/ This device/program will track spam to it's source, then cause
a massive power surge to hit the spammer's office or home, frying
all electronic equipment in a 3 foot radius, causing the spammer
to have to buy all new equipment each time he or she gets caught
sending spam. / Submitted by BBI Crazy Horse
Great idea! I'll take two!
FUNGUS HUMUNGOUS / I shall combine agricultural engineering and spelunking in an attempt to grow a Portobella Mushroom that can feed up to 100,000, as well as finding a cave large enough to grow it. / Submitted by: Poobah
NSAT: NONSTANDARDIZED APTITUDE TEST / A test similar to the SAT's only made to test more accurately the individual. Although this would be more consuming of time and money it would put many fewer individuals at a disadvantage. / Submitted by: Chris Ellis
A QUANTIFIABLE THEOREM: PROVING JAWS LAWS #1 /"Anything that can go wrong already has - you just don't know it yet." / Submitted by Major Adventure
ACQUISITION OF A TIME MACHINE / Why bother building one? Odds are someone in the future will have
figured it out, so all we have to do is mobilize the Irregulars to start burying Mason jars in places where future archaeologists may look. Each jar is to contain a note, written is several languages (you never know) that says something to the effect of "Dear sir, please send a time machine to [current place of burial], [current time of burial]" If the jar is found in the future by an altruistic owner of a time machine, he'll send it back. All the irregular has to do is bury the jar and if he chose the right spot, a time machine should appear as soon as it's buried! / Submitted by Paul "Zapski" Findsen
Better yet, Zapski, when you do get the time machine, use it to send a note back in time to yourself this week. That way, you'll know how long you have to wait until your project reaches fruition.
SKIDPROOF BANANA PEELS / By injecting mono sodium glutamate into banan trees we are able to duplicate non slippery banana peels, great idea for a sequel to the 8th dimension. / Submitted by johncoot
ANALOG GUITAR PICKS./ For musicians without digits. / Submitted by Pinky
REFRIGERATOR-OVEN COMBINATION / Since it is the function of ovens to generate heat and dump cold, and the function of refrigerators is to generate cold and dump heat, this device transfers one to the other and back again. / Submitted by Shadow
Shadow, it doesn't work that way. Where's the spray paint
can?
ARTIFICIAL GILLS / A deep sea breathing apparatus which extracts oxygen directly from the water and delivers it to a regulator. / Submitted by Philippe
DNA MAPQUEST / Combining the Human Genome Maping project with MapQuest, this database would make navigating the double helix as easy as going to the grocery store. / Submitted by: Lariate Larry
GEOSYNCHRONOUS ELEVATOR / Based on Rawhide's plans, a low-atmosphere orbital platform is anchored to a particular surface location, using linear carbon monocrystal cabling for raising and lowering materiel and personnel into space at a substantial cost reduction compared to conventional space travel. / Submitted by: Pecos
CHAD INTERROGATION TESTS / To avoid the spectre of future electoral uncertainty, this investigation is conducting extensive questioning of ballot "chads" (both separated and hanging) to determine if they will reliably disclose the intent of the individual who attempted to cast the vote. / Submitted by: Al
PERSONAL MAGNETIC PULSE GENERATOR / Comparable to holding one's hand over several lenses at once, this pocket-sized device could be used to jam news cameras; projecting a low-energy localized pulse and allowing the wearer to proceed through the most rabid gang of reporters without continually shouting "No comment." / Submitted by: Arf
PORTABLE UNDERWEAR STRETCHER / Like its larger cousin for home use, this one will fit in my gym bag so I can take it on tour to avoid vocal-inhibiting constriction. / Submitted by: Perfect Tommy
GEOSCOPE / A high-powered "telescope" using OVERTHRUSTER principles to see through solid objects. / Submitted by: Scooter
FLATULARY ABSORBTION RECYCLING TECHNOLOGY / A system of fans, pumps, and osmotic filters for capturing methane gas from cattle yards (and government back rooms) for use as an alternate fuel supply. / Submitted by: New Jersey
BUG SHACKLES / For passive restraint of insects. / Submitted
by: Rex Duglar
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